A sad but important journey

It’s Wednesday, middle of May and we are in a rented car traveling to New Jersey to see my Ma. It’s a 14 hour drive... a lot of time to think, to tell you the truth. My ma is going on 102 and she is failing. I didn’t realize it because she is the queen of never telling me the truth about her physical condition. And my seeet ma, she is so sharp and always upbeat that she is still, after all these years is trying to protect me. Needless to say, it makes me feel terrible. After working so hard lately, I wasn’t listening carefully, it took my daughter Keegs, to pick up on what I was not noticing. So we hopped in the car and we are on our way. It’s not a long trip because she can’t handle too much company and I fear we will just tire her out more. She would still be fine if she was still walking and this has happed in the last few months. For a woman who was voted best althete at John Adams High School in Brooklyn and who drove until she was 99, this is hell. My Ma, she is one of most incredible, independent woman I have ever known..... In a time when it was rare, and with a husband that really didn’t want her to need anyone but him.... She still did her own thing. Just to be able to be independent, and because my dad was so demanding, she worked as a nurse until she was 84. That was her friend circle. After my Dad died from dementia in his 80’s ( she took care of him for 7 years) She got her own apartment in a senior living apartment and she became a party organizer extraordinaire. Since 1996 she has been the most popular girl at the old folks apartments, where she was in charge of every birthday and holiday party and scrabble tournaments and cookouts... To say  she finally came into her own, would be an understatement. As time has gone on she has lost a lot of her best friends, and she has gone on to make more, always welcoming new friend and they love her and are devoted to her. On he 100th Birthday she had 4 Birthday parties. She is some broad! And I say that proudly. Now a days, she’s home bound ( I know she hates it) but she still lives independently, and someone comes in to help her everyday get cleaned up and dressed. She still gets decked to the nines.... she is a New Yorker through and through, from a time when you wouldn’t dare go out with out looking fly. She has always been a constant in my life. Even though she never wanted to come to the South.... which kinda broke my heart.... But even now when she is being so damn stoic, she is still looking out for everyone else and not herself. Some people have such a life force. Even though I know she is sick of this world, she speaks in the future and present tense. She never can give up and I can’t see her going down without a hell of s fight. That’s just who she is. So, this is my hardest journey and I keep wiping tears away as I write this. I know I have had her for a very long time.... but it’s not enough, when it comes to your Ma.... it’s never enough.